Torah Wellsprings - Chayei Sarah 5784

I want to thank everyone who came to the site during the last 5 years. I've accrued a lot of merits because of you, so thank you.

Going forward, I will no longer be updating the site. I no longer have the money or the desire to do it. A lot of what I have done for this site and also in Tzfat, Afula, and Tiverya, has been on borrowed money. Meaning, I paid for this site, or paid for printing costs always having to borrow money from future income. So I've been playing from behind for years already. I still have printer ink costs of 3,500 shekels. I owe a lot of money. And I have a job. I work full time, decent salary. But I'm far behind. It will take me years to be financially stable.

Whatever I did, the tens of thousands of shekels I've paid over the years, has all been for the good of Klal Yisrael. But when you get no donations, or no chizuk through thank you emails or letters of encouragement, it makes you question, "Why am I making my life hard for myself when no one appreciates it anyway?" "Why are you going to work without a shekel in your pocket when nobody appreciates what you're doing?" So I'm calling it quits. I need to focus on work and being able to put food in my mouth and in the mouth of my children.

I will end up with a story a rabbi once told over. He said that there was a big ba'al tzedakah that used to give millions of dollars to help the needy. Over time, he stopped giving. So one time, they asked him, "What happened, why did you stop giving, are you in financial trouble?" He replied, "not at all. Simply, I don't know if what I'm doing is helping others since no one ever contacts me to say thank you or to say that what I did helped, so I assumed people didn't need me so much, so I stopped giving."

We usually don't appreciate things until they're gone.

Btw, I would have been happy to continue being in debt and doing this just if I knew that I was making an impact. That I was changing the world somehow.