Torah Wellsprings - Rabbi Biderman shlit"a - Toldos 5784
Rabbi Elimelech Biderman, shlit"a - Torah Wellsprings
I want to thank a few people who sent in donations. Thanks. It helps. I want to explain a little more why I decided to close down the site. First, let me explain to everyone on this site, that I had two projects on this site. One was to upload weekly Torah on this site. The other one was to print a few publications, and distribute them in Tzfat, Afula, and once upon a time in Tiverya (although that didn't work out for long). Let me explain the costs, all which I took upon myself although I won't go into exact amounts. The cost to keep this site up for 5 years easily went over $1,000. The cost for printing was very very expensive. The cost to buy a new printer, for ink. A LOT of money. That said, I was happy to do it and I don't regret it. But I have always struggled financially to do this. Someone asked me, how much time does it take and how much does it cost. To ask that implies I'm sitting home doing nothing all day. I actually work full time. So to run this site meant, at times, to come come super exhausted and still upload Torah so that it could be good for you. I know Rabbi Biderman, shlit"a, and other Torah on the site, changed lives. I know because I read the Torah. But I've struggled so much the last year financially. And I asked for donations. I hated to ask donations because I wanted to do this on my own. But I got a few donations. I have over 1000 subscribers on this site, and that doesn't include guests. The number of people who donated I can probably count on one hand. So at one point, recently, I thought to myself, why am I keeping myself in poverty to distribute something that people don't appreciate not in words or in money. Money, by the way, is a great way of showing gratitude. More than words sometimes. If a poor person asks for tzedakah, ultimately, he wants money more than chizuk.
What finally broke me was a simcha that I recently had to pay for. I had a simcha for one of my kids. And this is not connected to the site. But I asked for money from my community. And again, I can count on one hand the people who donated. I got almost nothing. The bank had to save me. And I owe them back and I still don't know how I'm going to get that money. But it's my problem. I'm not asking. I'm only stating what happened. It was then when I realized that no one cares about me. That no matter what I give, nobody helps when I need a hand. And if people say that I didn't do it lishmah then, first of all I did, but staying broke week after week, trying to do good for the world, takes its toll. Second, the Torah teaches that it's important to show gratitude with gifts as well. Even when someone gives you a gift at a simcha, it's implied that you will give them money for their simcha. This is Torah, read the Gemaras, they're there. I'm not Aish. I don't have a big marketing team trying to raise money for this site.
I think the one person who understood where I'm coming from is the one who commented, "charity starts at home, you did the right thing, don't look back." And maybe this is what Hashem is telling me. Hashem is saying, "look out for yourself." Obviously, if the readers had the merit, Hashem would have send me the money and I would have been happy to stay on. But when people take and take and not a word of chizuk or gratitude, or not a small donation, you start questioning if you should be doing this. So I said enough is enough.
I realize most people are replaceable. People can replicate what I did. Maybe. But I doubt it. I went all out to give the best Torah I could. I even paid for some subscriptions to give you free Torah. The fact that I looked to see in how many languages Rabbi Biderman, shlit"a prints, and shared them all, shows how much, I wanted it to be good for you. I wanted to reach as many people as possible, for your good. After all, it's true I have a lot of merits and I'll see them in Olam Haba. But there is no mitzvah to be poor, to dig in to future money to pay Wix a yearly or two yearly subscription to keep the site up, or to buy a printer, or to buy super expensive ink, and paper, when no one cares or says thank you.
You know what keeps Rabbi Biderman, shlit"a going? Recognition, kavod, when he's told how he's changing the world. Me, being just a regular person behind a computer, got no kavod, no honor, no money, no fame. Nothing. It just made me broke. If you knew how many times I went to work without a shekel in my pocket you would have donated. And even then that's a maybe.
So like I said, everyone is replaceable. I'm sure you can find some publications elsewhere. I did what I did. Now I have to take care of myself, and build myself and pick myself back up.
A ger tzekek who tried to do good for the world but wasn't appreciated.
And then we wonder why we are at war. Just today we got a bunch of rockets in the North. I don't think Hashem appreciates that we don't take care of the lowest in the social hierarchy (the converts ME, the orphans, the widows, etc.) And I'm sure some people who visited the site are very very wealthy. Yes, Hashem loves the converts, but the reason why Hashem commanded that we take care of them, is because they have no family, no support, not financially, not emotionally, not spiritually.
To those who donated, or who said thank you from time to time, none of this is directed at you. Hashem should bless you 1000 times over, you and your children.
Akiva